In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
