there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he thought i was a dude.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
