Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize