Absence makes the cock grow harder.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
