jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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