Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He did a backflip because drugs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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