So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
