ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize