So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
