She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
