dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
