I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can't just leave with hair like that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
