So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
