I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
