My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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