cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
