If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
