There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
