the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
