Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
