Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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