he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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