I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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