allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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