I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
