Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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