please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I intend to get homeless drunk
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
