are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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