But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
