If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it because I queefed?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
