I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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