you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
