She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
