i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
