Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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