does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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