She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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