You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
