these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
