i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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