his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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