you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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