when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
