So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
