guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
