On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
