i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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