Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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