Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
