Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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