Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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