I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
