READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
