The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
