No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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