just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
