What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
