she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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