walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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