Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
