is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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