dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
