he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He better not be in your backpack
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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