i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
