google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
