If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
