I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize