Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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