My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
